快乐的成长故事

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 Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true? （医生，我听说做有氧运动有助延长生命，是真的吗？）

 A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap. （你的心脏就只跳那么多下，跳完就完… 别把它浪费在运动上。什么东西最终都是要用尽的。让心脏加速跳动不会让你活得更长，这个说法就好象把车开得越快就能延长车的寿命一样。想长寿吗？打个盹儿吧。）

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables? （我是不是应该少吃点肉类，多吃点水果蔬菜？）

 A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products. （你应该学学物流效率。牛吃的是啥？干草和玉米。这些是什么？蔬菜！所以吃牛排就是更有效的把蔬菜运送到你的身体里。需要点谷类？那就吃鸡。牛肉里还有草的养分，那可是绿叶蔬菜。一块猪扒就可以给你提供你一整天所需要的蔬菜养分。）

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake? （我是不是应当少喝点儿酒？）

A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!（完全不必。红酒是水果做的，白兰地是经过蒸馏的红酒，这意味着他们把水果里的水提炼出来，因此你能吸收更多水果的养分。啤酒是谷类做的。所以，干杯吧！）

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio? （我怎么计算身体和脂肪的比例？）

A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc. （你要是有一个身体，又有脂肪，那么你的比例是一比一。你要是有两个身体，你的比例是二比一，依此类推。）

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?（参加有规律的运动计划有什么好处呢？）

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!（我想不出来，抱歉。我的哲学是：没有痛苦…就好！）

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you? （油炸食品不利于健康是吗？）

A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! ..... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil.. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you? （你根本没好好听！！！… 眼下油炸都是用的植物油… 事实上，蔬菜就溶解在里头。多吃点蔬菜对你有什么不利？）

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around themiddle?（做仰卧起坐是不是能防止我腰部肌肉变得松弛啊？）

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach. （绝对不可能！肌肉都是越练越大。你要是想要个水桶腰就去练仰卧起坐吧。）

Q: Is chocolate bad for me? （巧克力对我不好吧？）

A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans ! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around! （你疯了吗？那是用可可豆做的！又是一种蔬菜！那是世界上最美妙的食品！）

Q: Is swimming good for your figure? （游泳是不是有助于塑造体型？）

A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me. （要是游泳有助于塑造体型，你给我解释一下海豚怎么回事吧。）

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle? （保持身材有型对我的生活方式重要吗？）

A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!（嗨，“圆”也是一种型啊！）

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. （我希望以上讨论能澄清一些关于食品和养生的误解。） And remember: （并且请记住：）

'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO HOO, What a Ride' AND.....（我们的生活目标不应当是带着一具完美的身体安全抵达坟墓，而是应该左手葡萄酒，右手巧克力，身体充分得到使用，完全报废，尖叫着“喔！好精彩的旅程！”，另外…）

 For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies. （对于那些战战兢兢只吃健康食品的人，我还有最后一句忠告。真相就隐藏在下面这些自相矛盾的营养研究下面。）

 1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.（日本人吃很少的脂肪，得心脏病的几率比美国人少。）

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. （墨西哥人吃很多的脂肪，得心脏病的几率比美国人少。）

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.（中国人很少喝红酒，得心脏病的几率比美国人少。）

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. （意大利人喝大量红酒，得心脏病的几率比美国人少。）

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. （德国人喝大量啤酒，吃大量肉肠，得心脏病的几率比美国人少。）

CONCLUSION （总结）

Eat and drink what you like.（想吃什么就吃什么，想喝什么就喝什么。）

Speaking English is apparently what kills you.（很显然，讲英语才是最致命的杀手。）